Dealing with Infertility

Dealing with infertility is a real issue that women have. Not many understand the depth of it when they don’t have to go through it. But for those who do have infertility issues understand the emotional and physical pain that comes with it.

*This post was a little difficult for me to write due to the fact that there are still so many emotions that I feel when talking about this subject. My prayer is that this will touch a sweet lady’s life today.*

I want to talk a little more about why my son is such a miracle. If you haven’t read My Miraculous 11 Week Pregnancy, then go take a look. It’s truly amazing how things happened and it is still so surreal to me.

Craving to become a Mommy when you have Issues with Infertility

When a woman is ready to begin a family, that is an exciting time in her life. And that was the case for me and my husband. We had been married for 4 years and up until that point, we were just happy being us.

For a few years I had been struggling with some major health issues but it seemed as though I had that managed and was learning how to live with it, and so we talked about starting a little family.

I had read somewhere that it was good to give yourself a year to try to conceive and if that didn’t happen then it was wise to seek counsel from a doctor. Well, a year came and went and nothing happened.

I scheduled an appointment with a gynecologist and she ran the necessary tests on me. The results were not what I wanted to hear.

Unexpected News About Infertility

I remember the day I sat in one of her exam rooms and she explained to me all that was going on with my body. I felt all of my blood rush to my face and I tried to keep a straight face but really what I wanted to do was cry.

But I don’t like crying in front of folks so I held it together. So many thoughts were running through my head and I was frustrated and very upset.

I tried to focus on what she was saying to me but it was a little difficult to do at the time. I’m a private person and I will not go into detail but basically, she told me that it would be very difficult for me to have a child, if at all.

The doctor tried to make light of the reality of what I was just hit with and said that she had a lot of tricks up her sleeve for my husband and me to be able to conceive, but I didn’t want her bag of tricks.

I prayed and prayed and prayed some more and knew that we were not to go that route.

Now, there were many times throughout the years that I would become frustrated with the waiting process and I would tell Blake that I was just going to go back to see the doctor and take whatever medicine she thought was necessary to get this show on the road. He would bring me back to my senses and remind me that it wasn’t God’s will.

And believe it or not, sometimes the will of God is hard to accept. But if you want His plan carried out perfectly, we must accept what He says and how He directs us.

Let me stop now and say that I have no issue with women taking medicine to conceive. We have a precious nephew that was conceived with the help of medical intervention and we are thankful for him.

This is absolutely a personal conviction of my own. Just ask my husband, I am not a medicine taker!

Dealing with a Miscarriage

There were times that I was expecting, but it did not end well. That in itself is a heavy burden to carry. One that I know many women go through. I so dislike the words that are always spoken after the fact, as if there is anything that anyone can say to ease such pain.

Someone just lost a child…unfortunately there is nothing that anyone can say to help a woman understand why or help ease the pain of loss.

You stand face to face with someone and hear the most popular saying after a miscarriage “Well, there may have been something wrong with it, so this may have been a good thing”. How do you respond to such a thing?

Sometimes I would just take a deep breath, smile, turn around and walk away. I want to tell anyone that is going through, or has gone through, a miscarriage…You do not owe anyone an explanation.

What has happened is between you, your husband, and God. Take this time to draw closer to both. You will deal with emotions that are so raw and sometimes you will just not have an answer, and that is ok.

Surround yourself with other women that will encourage you and not expect words in return. I remember being at a meeting at church one night and the date was getting close to when my due date was to be.

Out of nowhere, so many emotions started rising up and thoughts began going through my mind. I quietly got up and went to the ladies restroom and I just melted.

A friend of mine saw me leave out and she must have seen the look on my face as I left. She shortly entered the restroom to check on me. She talked with me for a little bit and then she just let me cry.

She didn’t try to explain it away. She didn’t try to pry. She was just there. It was what I needed in that moment, just a prayer and a hug.

Draw Close to God During Infertility

The best thing to do during the time of miscarriage is to draw closer to the Lord. At times, bitterness tried to come in, but I wouldn’t allow it. I wasn’t going to dwell on what happened and allow myself to sink further into the pit I was already in.

I gave myself some time to be angry and to deal with what was going on, but then I made myself press on and keep living life. Did that mean that I went to the next baby shower that came along? Absolutely not.

But it did mean focusing on life and focusing on the good in my surroundings. In these times you will find the scripture in Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus”, to be all the more true.

When you feel as if you should be falling but you have the strength to keep pressing, and when your mind should be in turmoil but you are steady and calm, it’s that peace that goes beyond all knowledge and understanding.

After continued difficulties, I went to someone else to try to find out more information. I was very low in nutrients and had several vitamin deficiencies. My body depletes itself of the good things I need to have to function, among other health issues that I battled with.

I was told that my body was having a hard time keeping up with itself, and at that point, it definitely could not carry a baby. I was told several other things about what all was going on with my body that made sense but proved to be even more difficult to conceive and carry a child.

One thing, in particular, being that certain parts of my female organs were damaged, making it all the more impossible. I so clearly remember asking God if He even remembered me or remembered the promise that He made to me.

Often I would cry out and ask God to please not forget about my husband and me, and our desire to have a child.

There were many times of frustration, not understanding, bitterness, and sometimes anger. I fought many battles because of this trial.

I knew that the odds were stacked against me because my health would not permit me to safely carry a child within me and my body did not line up to the scientific standard of conceiving a child. With each devastating news that I received, I told Blake that God was only adding to the story.

Should We Adopt While Accepting Infertility?

I had heard about couples who tried for numerous years and were not able to have a child, or had heard about how couples finally had a baby after many, many years of trying.

I remember thinking there’s no way we would wait that long, we would either adopt or seek some type of medical help after a while. But one year turned into 3 years, and then 6, and then 8.

How had that many years passed with no baby to hold? I think that year after year we would say “Ok, this is going to be the year”, and nothing happened. We weren’t ready to talk about adoption or other avenues. We weren’t ready to give up on that dream of wanting to conceive our own child.

After about 7 years, we finally sat down and talked about the reality of the situation and the fact that we weren’t able to have children, so we needed to discuss the possibility of adoption.

We prayed about it and decided that we would look into taking that route. I believe that God had opened up my heart to it and I knew that it was something we both would do if the Lord saw fit for us to do. We were ready. Our hearts and minds were open.

A while after that discussion, God placed it upon our hearts to foster children. We prayed about it and knew we were being called to do this. We did not go into the situation with adoption in mind, we wanted to provide a home for any child who needed one.

Although, we did say that we would adopt if the Lord opened the door through that avenue.

It finally Happened…Even With Infertility Issues!

Five months after opening our home, we found out that we were expecting our little miracle. Many people wanted to say that it was because we finally had children in our home through foster care was the reason I became pregnant.

You know how people like to give their advice or opinion and say “Once your mind is off of it, you will have a baby”. But that was not the case, I was already expecting before we ever welcomed any children into our home. I just didn’t know it at the time.

There are so many battles and thoughts that women who are struggling with infertility deal with. I kept all of my issues a secret, I didn’t want anyone knowing how much I struggled.

To me, those kind of issues are a private matter. In a way, I am thankful for having gone through it so that I can be of help to others who are going through the very same thing.

There are also other avenues and ways to care for children that we do not birth. God definitely opened mine and my husband’s hearts to adoption, and I would like to think that we will eventually adopt one day. Who knows where this life will lead.

You might also like to read:

Finding Joy in an Empty Nursery