I Used to Dream of Days Like This
As I rock my child with his arms wrapped around me, I think with gratitude, that I am finally feeling what other mother’s feel. I finally get to feel what it is like to hold a child of my own. I finally understand what it means that this child is my whole world. He looks at me with sleepy eyes, a sleepy grin and holds my face with his tiny hands and says “Hi, Mommy”. How can such a little person make my heart feel as if it is in a puddle so many times throughout the day?
I don’t want to soon forget what a miracle he is. Let me tell you when you’ve prayed for something for so long and it finally arrives, there are times that it still feels unreal to have such a thing! I can’t lie, there are times when I rock him at night and I burst into tears because I become so overwhelmed with thankfulness to my God for answering our prayers. He still loves to be rocked. I will rock him as long as he will let me. I will kiss him and hug him and hold him as long as I can. I want to cherish these moments and not let them waste away.
To Unconditionally Love A Child
I finally know what it means to say that I will protect him at all cost. I have heard mothers say that so many times. Now, I know. I get it. I now understand that indescribable emotion. I will fight for him, I will encourage him, I will let him figure it out so that he can learn. I will have to remember not to try to “over-protect” my little boy. I want to teach him, but I also want him to learn things on his own. He will get hurt, he will probably get bruised, and cut, and scraped up. But he will also have the feeling of knowing what he can accomplish.
One day while riding in the car; out of the blue he said, “Mommy, I love you!”. With no prompting. I didn’t say it first. He said it from his own precious heart. And I was speechless. I had waited so long to have a child to say that out of love from their own heart. It caught my breath for a bit, but I finally had the words to say “I love you too, baby!”. He said, “so much?”. Of course!! So much that I can’t explain it. So much that it feels as if my heart is melting, exploding, and breaking all at the same time. So much that, at times, I am speechless at just the smallest act that he does.
Even when times become a little overwhelming to me, I have to stop and remind myself that I prayed for this. I prayed for these moments, the good and the bad. I will take it all just to have my baby boy in my arms.
Oh, to see him run around the house giggling as his daddy chases him. He loves it, his daddy loves it, and I love watching it. To see him with his daddy is a feeling of pure happiness and joy. When I watch my husband hold him during prayer meeting and pray with him, or teach him how to say the blessing, or anything that involves giving glory to God, I know this is what it feels like to love unconditionally. When I hear my husband reading a bedtime story and singing to our son while rocking him, I feel as if I’m in Heaven. What a beautiful sound. I get to live this!
I love to teach him. When he finally learns to count his numbers, or recognize a letter we’ve been working on, or his colors; the feeling of pride overflows. The good kind of pride. The kind of pride that says ‘this is my son’. He is precious and I couldn’t ask for anything better.
I finally know what it means to be a mother. And I love it.
To you ladies that long to feel the love of a child…not just any child, but your child, I’ve been there. I know how you feel. I was there much longer than I had ever imagined I would be. Far longer than I wished I would have been. But it certainly makes me appreciate the beautiful son that I have now. I will say to keep praying. Keep believing that you will one day hold your child. Keep pressing on each day. You never know, you may wake up and feel a kick like I did!
5-Day Challenge with Devotional, Prayer, Tasks, and Printables.
Cover Your Child in Prayer Challenge!
A 5-Day Challenge that focuses on specific prayer for your child.
